| Posted: Mon Mar 8th, 2010 03:58 pm |
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1st Post |
Spice
Super Moderator
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The Best Smart Answers of 2009!!
STALKER ANSWER #6
It was mealtime during an airline flight. 'Would you like dinner?' the flight attendant asked John, seated in front. 'What are my choices?' John asked..
'Yes or no,' she replied.
SMART ANSWER #5
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.
Without missing a beat, she said, 'Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub.'
SMART ANSWER #4
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, ' Do these turkeys get any bigger?'
The stock boy replied, 'No ma'am, they're dead..'
SMART ANSWER #3
The police officer got out of his car as the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. 'I've been waiting for you all day,' the officer said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could."
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
SMART ANSWER #2
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway and noticed a sign that read: Low Bridge Ahead. Before he knows it, the bridge is right in front of him and his truck gets wedged under it. Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, 'Got stuck, huh?'
The truck driver says, 'No, I was delivering this bridge and I ran out of gas.'
SMART ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2009!!
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. 'Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!' A smart-a** student in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, 'What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?' The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said, 'Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.'
A BONUS EXTRA
A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
The husband replies, "Your eyesight's near perfect."
P.S. I think he is still in the hospital
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“War does not determine who is right - only who is left” Bertrand Russell
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| Posted: Tue Mar 9th, 2010 03:56 am |
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2nd Post |
stoker
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Spice wrote:
A BONUS EXTRA
A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
The husband replies, "Your eyesight's near perfect."
P.S. I think he is still in the hospital
No, I got out of the hospital a week ago.
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If You Can Read This Thank A Teacher If You Can Read This In English Thank A Soldier!
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| Posted: Tue Mar 9th, 2010 03:11 pm |
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3rd Post |
| Posted: Tue Mar 9th, 2010 07:15 pm |
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4th Post |
ME!
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a woman was standing front of the bathroom mirror looking at herself and said "I wish my boobs were bigger". without missing a beat her husband said "rub a piece of toilet tissue between them everyday, that should do it". She asked why in the world that would make her boobs bigger and he replied "I don't know but it worked on your butt didn't it?" Stoker may have ran into him in the ER...
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Man stares into the abyss, and there's nothing staring back at him. That's when man finds his character. And that's what keeps him out of the abyss.
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| Posted: Thu Mar 11th, 2010 12:24 am |
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5th Post |
FRL88
Super Moderator
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ME! wrote: a woman was standing front of the bathroom mirror looking at herself and said "I wish my boobs were bigger". without missing a beat her husband said "rub a piece of toilet tissue between them everyday, that should do it". She asked why in the world that would make her boobs bigger and he replied "I don't know but it worked on your butt didn't it?" Stoker may have ran into him in the ER...
No, I went straight to surgery. Didn't know that my leg would bend enough to put my foot where it was.
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Change this, Obama!!!!!
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| Posted: Thu Mar 11th, 2010 01:26 am |
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6th Post |
jesse jackson
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The old man and woman were having breakfast one morning....both naked at the table....she said to him I feel as hot as I did forty years ago.....he said you should....one boob is in the oatmeal and the other is in your coffee....
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Everything that you say or do is okay with a liberal...until they disagree with you!
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